Writing challenge (Shark)

Starting Challenge (We will do similar exercises often as the way to become a better writer is to practise regularly, then reflect and identify steps for improvement)

In your learning blog, improve the story below. You have exactly:

• 5 minutes for planning
• 10 minutes for writing
• 3 minutes for proofreading

The focus is on quality, not quantity!

There was a shark swimming around me. I was in danger but I got away.

Planning

There was a shark swimming around me- i was in danger but i got away.

1) What am i doing?- friend drowning, save her

2) What happen? The engine broke down, we're stuck

3) What did my senses tell me? (throw a fridge with meat down)

4) Someone with a jet boat came and help us.

5) I was in danger, but i got away.

Writing.

The sky was dark and the wind was blowing furiously at the speed boat. My friend, Stephanie and I was going to go shark hunting. On the way there, Stephanie toppled over and fell of the boat into the vast ocean. Surprisingly she couldn't swim, and was trying her hardest to stay alive. I noticed she had a deep cut on her right hand. I knew that she had to get out of the water in time before the sharks came, so I jumped down and save her. Stephanie managed to get out of the water with the help of the boat driver. At a distant, I saw something swimming fast towards us and realized it was the sharks. I quickly tried to climb up to the boat, but I failed.

Sharks came swimming as fast as lightning towards me. It's teeth were as sharp as japanese knives and they have the size of a mini to a medium boat. They look like gangsters, but in an animal form. The next thing I knew, there was a shark swimming around me. I tried not to move, but it didn't work. My heart was beating continuously and I was running out of breath. I had nothing to do but wait. Wait for a miracle to happen. Any minute now the shark will come and attack me.